


The Bubble and Squeak Diner

by mattsloved1



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Humor, Rating is for one word
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-12-22 06:25:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11961591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mattsloved1/pseuds/mattsloved1
Summary: “I told you before it’s an experiment.”“In what,” John hissed, “how easy it would be to make the whole place furious with us?”Sherlock grinned. “How long do you think it would take?”





	The Bubble and Squeak Diner

**Author's Note:**

> 1,300 words written this week! 
> 
> This has not been betaed (people are busy) so forgive me any mistakes.

The bell above the door rang out as Sherlock and John walked into the diner. Spending the weekend in London with their mothers, the young teens had been allowed to wander off for lunch and the afternoon, promising to stay out of trouble. After waving goodbye, Sherlock had tugged on John’s coat and said he had an idea.

The pair slid into an empty red leather booth. John reached for the menu as Sherlock flipped through the list of songs available on the jukebox. His eyes lit up.

“Excellent,” he whispered.

The waitress, blonde with a dimple in her cheek when she smiled, introduced herself and asked for their drink orders. John answered for them both and let his eyes follow her as she left.

“She’s sleeping with the lunch cook.”

Focus broken, John turned back towards his friend, “What?”

“I said she is sleeping with the lunch cook.”

John rolled his eyes. “She’s ten years older than me, anyway.”

Shaking his head, Sherlock said, “five. She’s careless with her jewelry. You can tell by how dirty her ring and bracelets are. She’s wearing a gold necklace with the number twenty on the pendant. Considering the shine, I would say her birthday was no more than two weeks ago.”

“I hadn’t noticed,” John admitted.

“No, you wouldn’t have with your attention directed at her breasts.”  

John blushed.  He made a point of keeping eye contact when the waitress returned with their drinks and took their orders. Sherlock smirked as John fought to keep his focus on their table as she walked away. John caught his expression, blushed again and muttered, “Shut up.”

Still smirking, Sherlock reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of coins.

“What are you doing?” John asked, as his friend dumped the money onto the table.

“An experiment,” Sherlock answered, as he put a coin into the small machine sitting against the wall of their booth and pushed the buttons G and 7.  
  
After watching Sherlock press the same combination three times in a row, and hearing the song start to play, John said, “I didn’t know you liked _You Spin Me Right Round_.”

“Can’t stand it,” Sherlock said.

“Then why the hell are you playing it so many times?”

“I told you before it’s an experiment.”

“In what,” John hissed, “how easy it would be to make the whole place furious with us?”

Finger paused on the number seven, Sherlock grinned. “How long do you think it would take?”

“You can’t be serious.”

“It’s for science, John! It’s important to know how one can push the average person to extreme frustration! How simple might it be? I could need it for a case one day!”

Knowing he wouldn’t be able to deter him, John leaned forward to whisper.  “Just don’t make it so they call the police and our mothers end up finding out, okay?”

“Deal.” 

As he looked around the diner, John felt sorry for the patrons surrounding them.  But then a man caught his eye. Sitting in a booth across the aisle, he gave the woman and child at the table beside him a dirty look. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt his feelings if Sherlock’s experiment made that guy’s day a little worse.

Just as Sherlock was about to hit the letter G for the seventh time, John reached out and stopped him.

“Wait a minute.” His friend paused as John read the list of songs. “Before you put on another _You Spin Me Right Round_ you need to play one _Come on Eileen_.”

Sherlock’s eyes sparkled, “Oh, John, you are a genius!”

It wasn’t often Sherlock complimented him so John couldn’t help the pleased expression.

By the time Sherlock had entered five more _You Spin Me Right Round_ , he was out of coins and everyone was listening to the song for the second time.  John gave the diner a brief look. No one seemed to care the song was playing again, odd.

“They’re not sure or aren’t concerned.” 

He was even more confused. “What?”

“Some aren’t sure if the song’s played twice or if it’s just longer than they remember. Others don’t mind because it's not unusual for people to play a song they like twice. We won’t see real irritation until the song plays a fifth time. Then, the first group will believe it has played two times, and the second group will know for certain it has played four times. Either way, everyone will be ready for something different.”

“Oh.” 

Their meals arrived with only a few seconds remaining on the fourth play and John managed a quick, ‘thank you!’ before Sherlock rudely waved her away. As the chorus started to fade, both boys looked towards the man John had noticed earlier. His left hand was curled tightly around a spoon, the knuckles white.  John held his breath as he waited.

As the song started again, the man dropped the spoon, raised his hand, and pounded the table, shouting, “For fuck’s sake!” The nearby coffee cup tipped to the side, spilling liquid onto the table and his plate.  The mother across the aisle glared at him as she covered her son’s ears. The man pulled two bills out of his wallet, slammed them down, and stormed out of the diner. The tension reduced a little as people laughed at him.

The two boys ate their lunch as the song continued a sixth time, noticing how most of the diner was now frowning, some voices were a little sharp, and others had started to fidget. The waitress came to check on them and gave Sherlock a look, one of her eyebrows raised. He merely smiled back innocently, John refusing to make eye contact.

By the time the song was fading out almost all of the patrons were bracing themselves. So it came as a shock when the music for _Come on Eileen_ started instead.  People gave sighs of relief.  It seemed the crisis had passed.  Sherlock made a little, “hmm,” sound and told their passing waitress they wanted two shakes.  There was laughter a few tables away. Soon it was like nothing had happened.

Their desserts arrived before the song was over. John had a feeling the waitress wanted them gone as soon as possible. He shared this thought with Sherlock who told him he was being paranoid. About to argue his point, he stopped when the other boy pointed an index finger towards the ceiling. John realized _Eileen_ was coming to an end.

There was a moment of silence.

When the familiar music started again, more banging cutlery was heard. Some people headed towards the door while others started pulling out their wallets as they grumbled. A few cursed in the direction of the jukebox or yelled for the manager.  Outwardly oblivious to the flaring tempers around them, Sherlock started to enjoy his shake. John had no choice but do the same.

By the time someone managed to drag the manager up from his office in the basement, _Right Round_ was starting for the eighth time, more than half the diner had cleared out, and John was ready to pay their bill. After the manager tried a few unsuccessful tugs, which just left him red faced, he called for the dish washer. A large man came out, “rugby player” Sherlock whispered to himself, and together they managed to pull the machine forward so the hostess could sneak behind and pull the plug from the outlet. The remaining patrons started clapping. 

Their waitress gave them a final glare as she slapped their bill down.  John grabbed the paper and headed towards the cashier. He smiled at her as she took his money. Beside him, Sherlock started to hum _You Spin Me Right Round_.

The cashier glared and said, “Do you mind?”

Sherlock grinned. “Sorry, the song seems to be stuck in my head now.” He switched to _Come on Eileen_ and then pulled John out of the building with a cheery, “Have a good day!”

Neither said a word as they walked away.  John put his wallet back into his jeans pocket.  He could tell Sherlock was filing new information into a house he had created in his mind. After a few minutes, Sherlock’s fingers stopped twitching and his eyes refocused.

“Back with the rest of us again?” John joked.

Rolling his eyes, Sherlock said, “Ha, ha, very funny.”

“Almost as funny as the stunt you played during lunch.”

“Yes, I gathered some interesting information. Even the sweet, old lady two booths away from of us let out colorful language during the seventh play.”

John chuckled.  “I have to admit I was a bit impressed by the number of curse words she used in that one sentence.” After a pause he asked, “You won’t be doing that again though, will you?”

“No, I shouldn’t think so, at least not with music.”

“Well, you can’t go back there again, I bet we’re on the ‘do not serve’ list if they have one,” John said, shaking his head.

“The food was mediocre anyway,” Sherlock said.

“My shake was good.”

“Mmm,” Sherlock agreed.

After a few seconds of quiet, John started to giggle. 

Eyebrows raised, Sherlock asked, “What?”

When he had calmed down enough, John said, “If anyone has ever wondered if the song _Come On Eileen_ can bring tears to a grown man’s eyes, we now know the answer.”

They grinned and cried out in unison, “Play _You Spin Me Right Round_ six times in a row just before!”

Laughing, they ran towards the nearby park.

**Author's Note:**

> Last year a good friend, MapleleafCameo, had me listen to John Mulaney’s comic sketch The Salt and Pepper Diner. After I stopped laughing, and it took a bit, I thought, ‘This is definitely something a young Sherlock and John would do!’ 
> 
> I started this a long time ago and finally added the last 1,000 words this week.


End file.
